Uh Huh Her

Oh yay oh joy... as Mista R Stewart once crooned; TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT!! PJ Harvey is in da house!!! Unfortunatly, it's at Festering Hall which has never been a favorite venue of The Milongita but never mind... I have seen some magnificent acts there and no doubt, tonight will fare just as well, if not better. Me thinks I'll have to pretend I'm 17 and push forward to get good position as I did at Splendour a few months back. Ms Polly Jean has presence that has to be seen to be believed... I'm tired and feeling a bit spewy but I'll be there with the masses to sing and rock along with this great woman.... More tomorrow with a report. For now. here's a picture

Why I Am Single

Okay, talking about being single is probably been done to death. It's almost become 'trendy to be tragic'. However, I need to blog this one out. Think of it as therapy without the exorbitant cost and it saves me from having to trek out to Medicare to claim my rebate. There's no other way to state it- I am a loser magnet. The flotsam and jetsam of losers float by and are snared in my pathetic net. I have run the gamut. I've gone the full spectrum of them all. After much thought and deliberation there was only one thing to do - opt out. After years of cheaters,loners,tight wads,bong smokers,wankers,non communicators,dickheads,insecurity,hypocrisy and god knows what else, I decided the only thing to do is be alone. Life is too short or very long to spend it with a succession of twats. My problem is, I am chronically misunderstood. I never meet anyone who wants the whole ME. I am 41. I've never been married and don't have any children. Therefore men think of me as someone to have sex with and have no commitment to because older women do that apparently. We don't have a soul or feelings for that matter. All we are are tits, arse and vagina. Brain? Heart? Soul? What are they? How dare we demand respect and attention? We are all just big sluts who fuck and run. None of them think for a minute that life for us is hard - that we are sensitive to the fact that we are stereo typed. None stop to think and wonder if we spend hours unable to move with depression on the couch, that we cry tears of hurt and despair. Whenever I read or hear men interviewed about what they want in a woman and the response is "someone who is just herself" I feel like hunting them down and beating them to death with a cricket bat. LIARS!!! I am quite a feminine creature. I love my red lippy, French perfume, pin up girl style dressing, strappy shoes, yadda yadda yadda. I also love AFL footy, beer drinking and the cricket. Men do not like that - it threatens them. They don't like when females encroach on a society that is in their minds exclusively for males. (Except for Andy D,who loves the fact that I'm a footy feral and can almost drink him under the table). I remember a guy a few years ago that I thought was nice person and I used to have conversations about the footy. He was impressed that I remember the footy from the Seventies and players from back then. He also used to make passes at me but because he was the ex of someone I once knew, I gave him a wide berth. One night after a skinful, I was feeling rather amorous and he just happened to be out at the club I was at so thought I'd cash in on him always wanted to 'have his way with me'. So after plucking up the (dutch) courage to ask him home, his response was that he felt threatened by me because not only did I know a lot about modern day footy, I remembered the old days and I knew so much about lots of other things and that made him feel insecure and therefore couldn't go home with me. I didn't know what to say so I turned on my drunken heel and went home without saying goodbye. Then there was this guy James who was into Rockabilly. He seemed great at first but then he slowly started to reveal his weird side. The last time I saw him his mood changed every 3 minutes from horrible to soft and vunerable. I'd never had sex with him and at one point he said something about not being able to decide if he wanted to have sex with me or not so he unzipped one of the pockets in the sleeve of his leather jacket and produced a set of dice. He then said aloud "Will I ever have sex with MM?" He rolled the dice and it was a seven in which he then proclaimed "Yes". Then he said "Will it progress to anything more?" . He rolled again and got a double one and said "No",then picked up the dice, held them up to my face between his thumb and forefinger and said "It's snake eyes....and snake eyes never lies." All I could think was "Oh my God is this my life?" and I couldn't wait for him to get the fuck out of my house! Thankfully he left soon after and I didn't see him again. Sadly, there a quite a few stories like this (although dice were not rolled to foretell our futures together) so for now, I find love in other things which have stood and will stand the test of time. My wonderful friends, tango, slobbing on the couch watching bad telly, an afternoon on the green playing bowls and drinking beers and Sunday arvos down at the Spready trying to win drink cards at Trivia. I no longer wish to pursue 'romance' or whatever it is. It is known as 'bullshit' in my book at the moment but if someone worthy comes along, I will give it a go. Just don't be surprised if you roll the dice and I suddenly disappear....

If you're going to tango... A User's Guide

I've been doing tango for a good two and a half years now and like any group of people or club, there are unwritten rules and ettiquette. Maybe I'm being a right picky cow, but when I'm dancing VERY close to someone, I expect a high level of hygeine from both myself and my partners. I am going to put myself out on a limb and give you some tippage on Keeping Yourself Nice. 1. MAKE SURE YOU DON'T WHIFF In tango, nothing is worse than Personal Odor of ANY description. Poo breath, stinky pits,sweaty arse crack pong,alcohol and ciggies are all a big no no. We live in the modern age where we can get rid of or mask any smell. So,brush your teeth, scrape your tongue, suck on extra strong peppermints even if you hate them. Shower before you leave for class or a milonga. Scrub your body- especially the pits,crotch and bum crack. Dry off well, use a good deodorant and a bit of talc if you tend to get sweaty in certain areas (EG Boob Sweat, clammy inner thighs). Clean,fresh smelling clothes are another plus. If you like buying your clothes from the op shop, that is fine with me, however, it's a good idea that you either air them out and/or wash them before wearing. Op Shops may have some funky, cheap clothes but they pong a lot. That musty smell is not attractive to one's olfactory senses. 2. DON'T THINK YOU'RE PATRICK SWAYZE AFTER 5 LESSONS Unless you are qualified to teach the tango, shut your mouth. There's nothing worse than someone telling you you're doing it wrong when they've never really danced before. Dancing is a very personal thing and saying the wrong thing could cause someone to never come back again, thus robbing that person the chance to learn a beautiful dance and the studio of business. Loose lips sink ships. Cierre su boca. 3. THOU SHALT WEAR THE RIGHT SHOES Sneakers,Doc Martens,thongs,rubber soled shoes, pointy toed or chunky heeled shoes - are not appropriate for dancing the tango. They make you look and feel good too. A good pair (or several) are worth their weight in gold. Don't waste time or money buying street shoes that look like tango shoes. Buy them only from Buenos Aires-whether you go there yourself (recommended),you give a friend going to BA some money for shoes or you buy them online. Buy a comfy pair for classes and a flashy pair for milongas. I have spoken. >

Rock Stars who are embarrassing but strangly enough still got it

I was going to add Kiss to my list of rock stars that should a Magnum stuck directly in the base of skull and the trigger pulled but after a long think, I've decided they don't deserve this treatment. Kiss began their career back in the early '70's. They released 3 albums,Kiss, Hotter Than Hell and Dressed To Kill (a personal favorite) but it wasn't until they released their Kiss Alive! double album that they really hit the big time. (BTW.. What was it about the seventies and double live albums? Kiss Alive, Frampton Comes Alive, Double Live Gonzo-Ted Nugent for those that were just a twit in their dad's nut sack then). 1976 they released 'Destroyer'. I was 13 years old and we loved it. I remember one of the guys bringing it to our Form 1 camp and listening to it non stop.. Every trip we were belting out "SHOUT IT, SHOUT IT, SHOUT IT OUT LOUD!!!!" After that, it was 'Love Gun', 'Rock and Roll Over', Double platinum and Kiss Alive II. 1979 we saw them change direction with 'Dynasty' with the now classic 'I Was Made For Loving You' and 'Sure Know Something' (Bab, if you come across this, I'm singing '2000 Man' just for you mate!) In 1980, they released 'Unmasked' which was almost paramount to bubble gum mush. 'Shandi' was foul. In November of that year, they toured Australia and I can say that I was one of the thousands that was screaming in that crowd at the now demolished VFL Park 25 years ago. They released 'The Elder' in 1981 and it was a stinker. They released a single 'I' which didn't go anywhere. I didn't even bother buying that one. Eventually, all the posters which covered every inch of my bedroom walls came down, the face paint was put away, lost the t shirts and the albums (which I'm spewing about now because being originals they are worth a fortune and I could have made some good bikkies!) They continued to make albums. They lost the make up, had many line up changes, they put the X in sex... they just weren't going away. I discovered there is a whole population of fat,sad men out there who love them to the point of covering their body with KISS tatts. I've heard of one guy who wore his Kiss t shirt under his tux on his wedding day! Anyhoo, to cut a long story short, Kiss have had longevity because they can laugh and take the piss out of themselves. They know they are sad old men but they still can deliver because there are droves of people who want them there. It's been 29 years but Rock n Roll All Nite still gets me going. I want that song played at my wedding or funeral, whatever comes first (yeah yeah we all know it'll be the dead occassion!) So hats off to Kiss... old and orange but they are the ones having the last laugh.. with grease paint.

Soul Food

As I hit my middle years and reflect on my life thus far, there's one thing in my life that has been a constant in my life - food. I was blessed growing up with a mother who had a passion for eating well no matter how much money you had. We were poor but we always ate like kings. Rarely did Mum slop things out of a can - soups were always home made. Before we moved to Australia from Canada and she was a stay-at-home-mum, I remember coming home from school always greeted with the warm smells of the kitchen, corn fritters, roasts, pies and soups. During those cold winters, we would be led downstairs by our olfactory senses to French toast, porridge with milk and brown sugar and freshly made pancakes with maple syrup freshly made by her. My parents finally separated after a long and miserable marriage when I was about 3. My mother is Maltese and my father was your typical drunken,sexist,bigot from Liverpool and wouldn't let her eat her 'wog food' so she had 25 years of making Sunday roasts with rice pudding. As part of her new freedom, she found a deli and starting eating garlic,chillies,roll mops (which I've never developed a taste for)and blue vein cheese. Blue vein was the first cheese I had. The fridge soon filled with olives,capers and other such objects, which has since fuelled my lust for delicatessens and the gorgeous bounty they hold. In addition to deli's, I love markets, with the barrows overflowing with bountiful,fresh produce, Asian groceries wandering the aisles, watching the little Vietnamese women picking up vegetables and smelling them to make sure they have the freshest and the best. I love old Middle Eastern and Indian spice shops filled with cloves,pepper corns,tumeric,coriander,sumac,saffron and a multitude of other spices. I love fish markets, butchers and poultry places... I go to these places and feel the black hairs sprouting out of my chin, my head scarf and my black mourning dress that I've been wearing since I was six when my dad's,brothers wifes cousins friends budgie died. Oh yes my friends, the wog mama comes out in the Milongita big style. I can't wait to take my foodie purchases home and make something to warm the body mind and spirit. One food I totally love for many reasons is soup. I believe that soup saves peoples lives. It heals colds and broken hearts, dries up snotty noses and tears and is like a hot water bottle for the soul. I eat soup at least 3 times a week, whether I make it myself or at a restaurant. The only soups I hardly make myself and would rather eat out are Asian soups. I love Vietnamese noodles soups filled with fresh seafood,vegies,bean sprouts and topped with chilli,lime and coriander. Japanese ramen and udon noodle soups are divine. I go to a place in the City where for $6.80 you get the yummiest and freshest bowl of laksa loaded with everything. My goal for 2005 is to write a cookbook on soups and comfort foods. I think there are enough Jamie Olivers and Bill Graingers doing restauranty type books. So, look forward in the future to hopefully my book being published and bought by the masses.... I will finish this blog by quoting from the wonderful book and film 'Like Water For Chocolate" by Laura Esquivel;

Soups can cure any illness,whether physical or mental-at least, that was Chencha's firm belief, and Tita's too,although she hadn't given sufficient credit to it for quite sometime. But now it would have to be accepted as the truth." Remember, to the table or to bed... you must come when you are bid....

Embarrassing Rock Stars that should have had their heads blown off- Part Two

I once loved that buck toothed retard in the front when I was 12.  
As I continue in my series, my next in line for the firing squad are none other than my loves when I was 12 years old, The Bay City Rollers. Now, back in their hey day when they had droves of screaming girls crying and swooning reminiscent of Beatlemania, they were youthful and cute. We loved the clothes and the spikey hair do's. We loved 'Bye Bye Baby, Shang A Lang and Saturday Night (if you haven't seen the film 'So I Married An Axe Murderer'yet, do so for the part where Mike Myers dressed as Scottish dad is highland flinging away to the Rollers' Saturday Night- a classic). We loved the mania. Sarah and I spent the whole summer of 1975 in our BCR t-shirts and lying next to the stereo listening to our records and singing along to the songs. We told stories where she was Eric's girlfriend and I was Woody's main chick. We tied tartan scarves to our wrists and even made Roller Strollers. (Thank you mum for the cricket pants and the metre of tartan- you're a living legend). When we fell under their spell, they had 2 albums out, Rollin' and Once Upon A Star. We eagerly awaited releases of new albums and singles. 'Wouldn't You Like It' and Dedication were bought for us for Christmas prezzies. Our mums were meanies and never let us go to their concert when they toured. We had to make do with staying glued to the telly and and following the tour via the news and Countdown. I remember being devastated when Woody collapsed from exhaustion in Sydney and ended up in hospital. We saw Alan Longmuir (the old one) quit and the cute Irish one, Ian Mitchell become his replacement. He lasted for about a year and a bit after doing the 'Dedication' album and a few tours, ended up cracking under the pressure and left. His replacement was a fresh faced Glaswegian named Pat McGlynn and by that stage, I think our love for the Rollers started to wane a bit. Their popularity was dying and the music wasn't cutting the mustard anymore. Teenagers have attention spans of goldfish and we needed to keep up with the trends. Loyalty is not in a young girls vocabulary. Eventually, we lost the scarves, the striped socks ( which I forgot to mention as part of the look- I had a drawerful of the buggers!) the albums,etc, we're all put into mothballs- so to speak. We thought they would break up and fade into pop history... Not so. It is 2004 and they are still going in some incarnation. I think Les McKeown is the only original member. This gay couple I know went to see them in Edinburgh for New Year's Eve about 3 years ago and said that they were all fat and shocking- and wearing kilts no less! Ewwwwwww. Pass the barf bucket.

David & Dianne- My Tango Soul Mates

Bella & The Maestro- doing what they do best In February, 2002, I walked into Sidewalk Tango in Swan Street, Richmond for the first time. That was when I met David Backler and Dianne Heywood-Smith, who were to become my tango instructors and eventually,my employers and above all, dear and wonderful friends. What I love most about them is not just their kindness and love for me, but I love how I am always amazed when I watch them dance. Sometimes they dance so beautifully, I get tears in my eyes and become very emotional. They always bring something new and creative to that crazy and amazing dance we know as Argentine Tango. I love how they always support and give theirselves to me week in, week out. I hope that I can give them as much as they give me. I have a glass of French Champagne in my hand, and it's raising a toast to you both, David and Dianne. My love to you both - this blog is a little dedication of gratitude to you. xxxx

About Myself

Milongita -Self Portrait 
Call me narcassistic,a meglo manic or just plain bored... I've been playing around with this 'add the picture to your blog' thingie and still haven't really figured out how the bloody thing works. So, anyway, this is me and to boot, it's a self portrait. David bought a digital camera so I was having a play with it.. (yes I'd had a few G and T's when said pic was taken). Dianne downloaded them onto her PC and emailed it to me entitled 'Hot Tango Babe' and who was I to argue? Not the best pic of me but definatly not the worst. The hair looks good and the lippy's on straight at least. And I don't look pissed which is another bonus! So those who trip across my little bloggage here, this is what me, the old tart who has recently entered her 41st year of life looks like.... Thank God for Polyfilla.

Embarrassing Rock Stars that should have had their heads blown off- Part One

Gary "Child Porn" Glitter As I clearly documented the other day in my blog about Micky Molloy, I was explaining that at age 10 & 11, I was totally mad for Gary Glitter. You might find this odd and pukey, but take into account that the year was 1973 and Glam Rock was IT. Everyone we loved those days was decked out in Glitter and Glam, Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust/ Aladdin Sane period, Marc "watch out for that treeeeeeee" Bolan and T-Rex, Suzi Quatro and of course, Gazza. My best friend and neighbour,Sarah Chalke,her sister Maria and my sister, Vivian and myself would gather in the Chalke's garage with the portable turntable and whack on the GG tunes and dance the very fashionable (although some of my much younger friends thought this to be an urban myth) Sharpie dance. Margarita Milongita is still known to break out in said dance at times much to the amusement of my friends and the embarrassment to my sister's three sons when she and I put on some Glam and bust some Sharpie moves in her kitchen. Gary started life as Paul Gadd and through several reincarnations became Gary Glitter. He should have called himself Barry Boomerang after how many comeback shows and tours? Seems he'd say good bye out one door and lo and behold! - he's back through the other.. I guess viewing all those porns sites costs a pretty penny so he's gotta shift that fat, arthretic arse of his and make a few quid from those who are musically fixed in the '70's. I remember seeing his first farewell show and the last song he did was 'Remember me this way' which I'm glad he did because it totally put me off. He was old,wrinkly,fat and embarrassing. He should have done an Elvis back in the seventies when his career did what Elvis did- died on the toilet. Granted, GG left us with some good tunes but when the parties over, it's time to say good night and leave- for good. Watching him on telly being extradicted from Cambodia on child sex abuse charges just leaves the legacy of him being a sad, disgusting human being- not the Glam Rock super star that we should remember him as. I'm sure as he was being led off in handcuffs, he wasn't humming 'Remember Me This Way...."

Is Mick Molloy my soul mate?

I finally got around to watching 'Crackerjack' after discovering my new found love of lawn bowls at my new happy place, the Richmond Union Bowls Club. It is a rippa of a film by the way so I command you to watch it if you haven't already. "SWEAR JAR JACK"!! It got me thinking that maybe Mick Molloy is the love of my life but just doesn't know it yet. All these so called 'metrosexuals' and images of the modern man which are paraded by my good self via magazines,television and films (although Colin Firth has got my heart a'beating since I first saw him in the wonderful 1984 film 'Another Country') and here Mr Mick Molloy has been since he first graced our screens in The D Generation. Granted, Mick was actually 'in shape' back in the day and didn't carry the pig fighting under a doona that he does these days and even back then, I thought he was quite the spunk (for non Australian's this means attractive looking- I'm not referring to him as sperm or a dried up cabbage). Mick's been going through an Elvis phase for most of his career but he has proved that you don't have to look like a Versace model to have a successful career in film and television - in his case,all that is needed is wit to burn and balls the size of Texas. As you get older, your tastes and ideals change. When I was 10, I loved Gary Glitter. And, in light of recent revelations about the Glitter Man, I think he would have loved me then too. Then it was Red & Shirley from Skyhooks, Daryl & Garth from Sherbet and Woody from the Bay City Rollers. After Woody, it was Peter Frampton (I still have my battered copy of Frampton Comes Alive). I had a brief love of Leif Garrett in year 9 during the summer where all blonde surfies were it and a bit and then it was Paul Stanley and KISS all the way. Simon Le Bon from Duran Duran was okay for a while and then I have since proceeded to have chronically bad relationships with the biggest losers I could find. Looking at Mick on the small screen with his beer gut and more chins than Chinatown, something within me moved. Here is a man who has 4 things I truly love and seek in a significant other. He has a fantastic sense of humour, is totally comfortable with himself, couldn't give a Brad Pitt what anyone thinks of him, likes a beer or 20 and barracks for Richmond. All these are big plus' in the Book of Margarita Milongita. I've heard that he frequents the London Tavern in Lennox St but I've been there and haven't seen him. I even had my birthday there in hope he'd turn up for a trough or 2 but no show. Maybe he'll be there with ol' Bill Hunter at the RUBC and we can have a roll together.. Mind you, my one and only go at bowls, I was completely shithouse but I love it so Mick, if you read this by some small miracle, I need a few pointers... Maybe you can teach me your flipper? I'll wear my best undies just in case....

Aussie Icons

I went to Lush at lunchtime to pick up a present for one of the girl's I work with and afterwards went for a walk where I passed the Hi Fi bar. There was a sign out the front stating that Deborah Conway and her partner in music and life were downstairs playing for a session the call 'Liquid Lunch'. So I made my descent down those slippery stairs where a room of people with drink in hand were watching them make sweet music. Deborah Conway is someone I deeply admire, even though I haven't bought any of her music. I remember going to see an international act in the '80's and Do Re Mi supported them. Deborah's voice was strong and melodic- the song 'Man Overboard'was in the charts (we all oohed over the lyrics about your pubic hairs upon my pillow). Deborah is an original and has always done things her way and has succeeded in a world of political correctness where bold,brash women generally get crucified for daring to be themselves. The fact that she's a gorgeous,sexy woman who makes me want to jump the proverbial fence doesn't hurt either! Deborah, I salute thee. Another Aussie who makes me go sappy and weepy is Paul Kelly. I love how someone so ordinary looking just picks up his guitar,plays a simple tune and writes songs that are more like stories that take you somewhere. I bought a friend of mine his book of lyrics which she says she reads in bed at night like a Baptist reads a bible. I bought the album 'Gossip' back in 1986 when the song 'Before Too Long' came out and I used to read the lyrics on the album sleeves. Gossip is my favourite Paul Kelly album. From the anthemic 'Leaps and Bounds' to the hauntingly beautiful 'Somebody's Forgetting Somebody' (Somebody's letting somebody down). I love the line in 'Before The Old Man Died' where he states ' I fell in love with whispers and turned them into songs." My favourite is 'Randwick Bells' (Randwick Bells are ringing/Must be Saturday/I woke up in the middle of the day/Must be Saturday/So put a blanket on the window/And come on back to bed/We've got no place to go,no place to be/So come on back to bed.... Bliss.

Osvaldo y Lorena- The Final Conclusion

They didn't come- end of story. Contractual commits didn't allow for them to do workshops,private lessons or just a visit to our humble little milonga at Sidewalk. We tried- what can you do?? We had Miguel Angel Zotto (big bruv) there during the tango festival and I had the opportunity to be his indentured servant. Lucky me ("Signorita Maggie- more vino rioja!!!) As 2004 starts to wind up, I guess we just need to keep our fingers on the pulse and hope that future tango acts will come our way to enlighten and inspire our tango souls. Osvaldo and Lorena may have slipped through our fingers but next time, we must snare the next tango legends that visit our shores.

Osvaldo y Lorena - Part Two

After the thought of having a workshop with 2 tango super stars, I received the news that it was not to be. A random series of events and bad organization (thankfully not on our part) did not make things possible. David and Di found out that they are staying at Crown and tracked them down. Lorena explained that after 22 hours of flying and being dicked around resulted in them landing in Melbourne from Tahiti in the evening rather in the AM as originally scheduled. Lorena and Osvaldo were apologetic and lovely and promised to come to our milonga tonight after the performance with Mr Julio I.... I'll be stopping by Cathryn's on the way to tango tonight to pick up the digital camera so I can indeed document the event if it does actually take place... again, stay tune for the next installment in which I will either write about the whole, beautiful (or disappointing) event or I again will be reporting how they couldn't make it.

Osvaldo Zotto & Lorena Ermocida

"Osvaldo & Lorena are two of the best known and most dynamic tango dancers in the work. As a couple, their dancing possesses incredible trajectory and poise. This wonderful couple have a gift of combining artistic excellence with clarity in their teaching." Tonight at 9.pm, I am attending a workshop being taught by Osvaldo and Lorena and I'm very excited by the prospect. They are the leading tango dancers in the world today and currently touring with Julio Inglesias. Dianne is going to ask Osvaldo if they can come to our milonga after their show tomorrow night at The Regent and bring Julio with them... so if all goes well, we might have Mista Julio at our humble little Sidewalk tango studio!! Will have to fill you in tomorrow about the workshop and will have to stay tuned to see if JI fronts to Sidewalk manana noche....

Change Of Heart

Okay, so I lied... but isn't it a woman's perogative to to change her mind?? I was a bit out of sorts when I last blogged and I read back on my 3 blogs and realized that I enjoy spilling my thoughts out to no one in particular. I realized how much I like to write, even if it is to an audience of none. Anyhoo, here it is, Friday evening and I'm still at work. Just as well I have no life!! I'll be knocking off in half an hour to rush off to job number 2, door bitch at Sidewalk Tango which, I love. I wish full time work could be like that but then if it were the case, I'd probably bore with that too. I think it's because I have tango and other things in my life that my day job doesn't bug me as much. Balance is definatly key when you can find it. Hmmm, me thinks it's time for a drink..