Friday, November 26, 2004

Why I Am Single

Okay, talking about being single is probably been done to death. It's almost become 'trendy to be tragic'. However, I need to blog this one out. Think of it as therapy without the exorbitant cost and it saves me from having to trek out to Medicare to claim my rebate. There's no other way to state it- I am a loser magnet. The flotsam and jetsam of losers float by and are snared in my pathetic net. I have run the gamut. I've gone the full spectrum of them all. After much thought and deliberation there was only one thing to do - opt out. After years of cheaters,loners,tight wads,bong smokers,wankers,non communicators,dickheads,insecurity,hypocrisy and god knows what else, I decided the only thing to do is be alone. Life is too short or very long to spend it with a succession of twats. My problem is, I am chronically misunderstood. I never meet anyone who wants the whole ME. I am 41. I've never been married and don't have any children. Therefore men think of me as someone to have sex with and have no commitment to because older women do that apparently. We don't have a soul or feelings for that matter. All we are are tits, arse and vagina. Brain? Heart? Soul? What are they? How dare we demand respect and attention? We are all just big sluts who fuck and run. None of them think for a minute that life for us is hard - that we are sensitive to the fact that we are stereo typed. None stop to think and wonder if we spend hours unable to move with depression on the couch, that we cry tears of hurt and despair. Whenever I read or hear men interviewed about what they want in a woman and the response is "someone who is just herself" I feel like hunting them down and beating them to death with a cricket bat. LIARS!!! I am quite a feminine creature. I love my red lippy, French perfume, pin up girl style dressing, strappy shoes, yadda yadda yadda. I also love AFL footy, beer drinking and the cricket. Men do not like that - it threatens them. They don't like when females encroach on a society that is in their minds exclusively for males. (Except for Andy D,who loves the fact that I'm a footy feral and can almost drink him under the table). I remember a guy a few years ago that I thought was nice person and I used to have conversations about the footy. He was impressed that I remember the footy from the Seventies and players from back then. He also used to make passes at me but because he was the ex of someone I once knew, I gave him a wide berth. One night after a skinful, I was feeling rather amorous and he just happened to be out at the club I was at so thought I'd cash in on him always wanted to 'have his way with me'. So after plucking up the (dutch) courage to ask him home, his response was that he felt threatened by me because not only did I know a lot about modern day footy, I remembered the old days and I knew so much about lots of other things and that made him feel insecure and therefore couldn't go home with me. I didn't know what to say so I turned on my drunken heel and went home without saying goodbye. Then there was this guy James who was into Rockabilly. He seemed great at first but then he slowly started to reveal his weird side. The last time I saw him his mood changed every 3 minutes from horrible to soft and vunerable. I'd never had sex with him and at one point he said something about not being able to decide if he wanted to have sex with me or not so he unzipped one of the pockets in the sleeve of his leather jacket and produced a set of dice. He then said aloud "Will I ever have sex with MM?" He rolled the dice and it was a seven in which he then proclaimed "Yes". Then he said "Will it progress to anything more?" . He rolled again and got a double one and said "No",then picked up the dice, held them up to my face between his thumb and forefinger and said "It's snake eyes....and snake eyes never lies." All I could think was "Oh my God is this my life?" and I couldn't wait for him to get the fuck out of my house! Thankfully he left soon after and I didn't see him again. Sadly, there a quite a few stories like this (although dice were not rolled to foretell our futures together) so for now, I find love in other things which have stood and will stand the test of time. My wonderful friends, tango, slobbing on the couch watching bad telly, an afternoon on the green playing bowls and drinking beers and Sunday arvos down at the Spready trying to win drink cards at Trivia. I no longer wish to pursue 'romance' or whatever it is. It is known as 'bullshit' in my book at the moment but if someone worthy comes along, I will give it a go. Just don't be surprised if you roll the dice and I suddenly disappear....


Gianni said...

truly poignant and worthy of a reponse. Males and bars and their pathetic expectations. Miserable bastards. Always looking to be saved.

Julio Amorim said...

"Music saves my life"

I would say that music is the only "therapist" worth the money
(and you don't even need to pay for it)!