Monday, March 28, 2005
After a very long wait, I have finally seen La Mala Educacion or The Bad Education, the latest gift from the wonderful Pedro Almodovar. After producing one amazing film after another, you always have some trepidation when you hear of the next one. Thankfully, my Maestro did not disappoint. From the opening credits to the closing, I sat there enthralled and enraptured. I love how he makes you feel so many things in one film, how he challenges your emotions, your intelligence and your soul. Like most people, my awakening to this wonderful director came with 'Women on the verge of a nervous breakdown' and from then on, I just kept wanting more. Some of his films such as 'Flower Of My Secret' and 'Live Flesh' did not thrill me on first watch but after a revisit, I now love them. I still have yet to really embrace 'High Heels' but I think I should skip down to the video store to rent it again and take in more that the scene where Victoria Abril is hanging from a bar in a dressing room and her friend whom she has always thought was gay goes the growl on her. To the confronting beginnings of 'Law of Desire' and 'Matador' to the happy ending of Alicia y Marco discovering one another at the theatre, Pedro's films are like a drug that creates rather than destroys. The effect lasts a long time and it can be returned to time and again with scenes to reassure and comfort, to discovery of things missed on first viewing. Bravo Maestro.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
I have to say it- it's been a fuck of a fortnight. Sometimes life is just an unbearable pain in la culu and to have a chemically unbalanced brain doesn't help either. But as the door closes and hits you on the bum, a window crack opens wide enough for you to draw breath and think of something else. Two wonderful things happened to me today- it was my last working day for 6 days and I got word that a position at work that I went for is now mine!! I am out of the contact centre for six months! I also got a pay rise and a bonus so make that 3 good things... I am going to spend a bit of moolah manana to get waxed, get my hair cut and straightened and I'm finally going to see Rhett the homeopath to once and for all start getting holistically healthy. At the beginning of the year, I made a list in the back of a notebook I keep at work. I have six things I want to achieve by December 31. The list is as follows; New home, new job,new body,pay off credit card,trip to Argentina and new man. So far I have checked off the first 2. It will be interesting to see if I have the full six ticks by year's end. I'm tipping number 6 won't be checked off but that's not really in my power!! The rest are and if I can do that, I'm flying! Like the old song says: "I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again!"
Monday, March 14, 2005
After a long sabbatical, I've have returned to the fold and decided to once again begin my bloggage. A moment I had during my Spanish class this evening made me want to start again. At the beginning of the class, we were asked to choose 2 verbs and conjugate them. My brain literally went blank and when everyone had done them in a flash, I couldn't even write. I stabbed my pen into my hand to try and trigger some response but this didn't work. I started getting tears of despair in my eyes and I started packing up my things to walk out and never return. Thankfully,Cathryn stopped me and for the remainder of the class I managed to struggle through. I think my problem stems from wanting to walk into a class-no matter what it is- and be great at it from the get go. I've never been good at processes, at the line upon line, precept on precept, here a little there a little, slow and steady wins the race theory on achievement so therefore I sabotage the whole thing instead of snailing along. I get frustrated when I see someone surging ahead and getting it when I sit there struggling and trying to sort it all out in my head and wanting to stick pins in my arms when it comes to nought in my noggin. Perhaps I should cut myself a little slack here. I am, attempting to learn a foreign language that has 10,000 verbs both regular and irregular which are catogorized into masculine and feminine. Not to mention formal and informal ways of speaking Spanish. I have only been doing this for six weeks. Do you think I'm being too hard on myself? I long for the day when I strike a good balance of being sensitive in stead over over sensitive and level headed with out being harsh on myself and others. To be able to take constructive critism and rebuke those who try to cut me down. I was watching 'Enough Rope' this evening and his first guest was Michael Slater the cricketer who spoke of his over sensitivity, always wearing his heart on his sleeve and how he began to suffer panic attacks and finally his diagnosis with depression and I was having a silent teary on the couch as I felt this man speaking my life. I admire that he could speak about such matters without crying because I find it difficult. I long to be calm, to not have such violent outbursts, to try to develop the strength to feel good enough to walk next to others and not be afraid to take a challenge. This has been quite a soul baring blog for the first one in 3 months and indeed the first for 2005, but I guess there has to be a first one and I just need to get my ya ya's out. 'Tis late and I must go to bed. Besus para todos y respecto....