Monday, November 30, 2009

MoVember -Milonguita Style

Bob growing for the cause and me with my faux mo at Brother Baba Budan

MM chanelling Salvador Dali

The real Sal Dal

My first faux mo-The Casanova.

The Mexican Bandito Mo. "Hey Meester, can I buy your seester"?

In the name of men's health and good fun, I got into the spirit of MoVember.. I managed to raise $250 from fake moustache sales and gold coin donations for casual dress day.
Variety is the spice of life -as the old adage says- so I had a couple of 'tash changes throughout the day. I even went down to my favorite coffee shop with my friend,Bob (with a real tasharooni) and got some froth on my mo. One guy walked in to get his coffee fix, looked at me,smiled and said "Niiice!"

If a gal like me can get attention with a hairy upper lip, maybe there's hope for me after all.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Friday.. I'm In Love...

I'm wearing a moustache today. I look ridiculous but I don't care. I have encouraged our business unit to support Movember and I am backing it to the hilt. We went out and bought a heap of fake moustaches from the $2 shop and I'm selling them off for $3 a pop. Mixed reaction to it but a few people have got into the spirit of it. I think it's fun and hope more awareness is raised as well as funds for this very worthy cause. Speak up, menfolk,if you feel any sort of twinge that isn't right or if you are sad and confused. It's okay to do so. I'm wearing a moustache for you. Tonight is our fortnightly gathering of the 'girls who do cocktails and dinner'. One of us is newly single as of a week ago so we are now the 'single girls who do drinks and dinner'. We normally go to a different bar for drinks but she's still feeling out of it so we're going to her place. I'll make dinner and she'll mix the Old Fashioned's. Accompanied with bossa nova tunes on the record player (yes-vinyl people- for those under the age of 20- ask your mum and dad what they are)and good company, it should be a great night. My friend,Steve is starting a night at the Exford tonight and if I feel okay, I may drop in. He has sterling taste in music and it would be good to go out for a boogie. Tomorrow-the Hello Sailor vintage fair is happening at the Grace Darling hotel in Collingwood so I want to head down there to hopefully snaffle a few vintage goodies. I need a bit of jewellery and new belts. I am not allowed to buy any more shoes. I am on a self imposed shoe ban. I seriously own about 40 pairs including 7 pairs of tango shoes! Which is quite modest compared to a few tangueras I know. "Seven pairs? I mock you with your paltry amount of tango shoes!!" I'm wondering if my amiga Sabrina will need to add on a shoe wing to her new house in Maroubra that her and her novio recently purchased. So here we are again - fin de la semana-the weekend. Rest up,enjoy,eat,drink,love,dance,sleep and be safe.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Men's Causes And Why They Are Important

There are 2 things that happen in November that warm my heart in the way of causes. One is Movember which is a fun way to raise awareness and funds towards prostate cancer and depression. Despite women's jokes about men, we do need them and we want them to be around. We want them to be healthy and mentally well adjusted. My friend Vicki never knew her father. When she was two years old,he started getting a pain in the old family jewels and ignored it. By the time one of his testicles was the size of a grapefruit,it was too late and he was dead 3 months later. It's all very well and good to be manly and no one wants to believe there is anything wrong with their bits (and I can attest to that)but WE ARE TALKING ABOUT CANCER!!! Another friend's husband was unwell last year and it ended up that he had a small tumour in one of his testicles. Luckily for him,they got it early and was able to remove it. He had a small amount of chemo and was given a clean bill of health not long ago. So, men of the world-look after your meat and 2 veg! Think of it as your Ferrari,your 59 Chevy Impala or your Mustang (personally I love an old Valliant). We women do love you and want you around. Who's gonna change the lightbulbs for us?

As for your mental state-very,very important. If you do your research on suicide,the rates on males doing the darstardly deed are way more than women. Women attempt suicide more than they do it. When men decide to end it all, they go all the way. No mucking about. I think it's sad that society thinks that 'big boys don't cry'and all that crap. Say what you feel and what you mean. Have a cry and talk to friends if you need to. If someone calls you a 'big girl's blouse' or a poof or whatever- who cares? A well adjusted healthy person is crucial for anyone to get through this thing called life (to quote His Purpleness).

Today is White Ribbon Day. If you are not aware of what this is, it is an initiative to stop men's violence against women. Whether it be physical,sexual,verbal or mental- it is not on. I have just read this excellent article written by Andrew O'Keefe (yes Mr Deal or No Deal)who is the chairman for White Ribbon Day. The statistics for women who die in domestic violence under the hands of a man is frightening. I'm glad such an initiative exists and it must be run by men for men. It's time to get these things out so that we can begin to change.

In the words of the great Martin Luther King Jnr;
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

La Fiesta de Hispanica

Las chicas con paella... The Uruguayan and The Aussie get up close and personal after snarfing an alfajore Sarah and Mags pose for a shot after food and sangria Sarah and Amanda snarfing yet more alfajores Sarah,Amanda and those alfajores... by god they are good. Booty shakin' action on stage The Johnston Street crowd at dusk

Friday, November 20, 2009

Dipping My Toes Into The Shallow End Of The Pool

My last post was all about what I find disconcerting about all things 'general' Aussie male. Maybe it has left you thinking " what the fark do you like,MM?"

The fundamentals of honesty,sense of humour,kindness etcetera are important to me. The rest comes with getting to know someone (which is why internet,on line stuff will never really work for me). Meeting someone has to be a more organic process and if we say looks don't count, we are really kidding ourselves.

A lot of the time it involves nice guys wearing the wrong clothes and I will be the first one to tell you, I am a snob in that area (see previous blog). A picture tells a thousand words-as they say-so here's a few pics to show you what I mean;

A bit of a quiff- ooh yeah! Brylcreem:'a little dab will do ya!'

However, decent hair do's work for me. If you're losing it, don't try to over compensate by growing a ponytail. Ewww on so many levels.

Not always convenient or appropriate but I'm a sucker for a man in a well tailored suit- especially a la Italian 60's mod style. Great on guys who are slight of build and preferably in charcoal grey not taupe as illustrated).

The Modfather, Paul Weller.
Be still my beating Vespa.

Classic Ben Sherman and Fred Perry shirts (although the Modfather going blonde doesn't pop my cork at all)

Don Draper style (que ZZ Top's 'Sharp Dressed Man) This man can do no wrong-style wise. Personally, you wouldn't touch him with a barge pole- toxic boyfriend personified.

STYLE- Me encanta mucho!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

She's Just Not That Into You

Las chicas and myself were having a chat the other week about men and in particular-Australian men and the dodgy encounters we have had with them thus far in our lives. I can't speak for every woman on the planet but I can speak for myself and here are some of the things I've discovered in my time on the planet with said Aussie males;
  • Australian men seem to have a deep insecurity about themselves which is always masked by a macho bravado. Instead of approaching a woman and simply introducing themselves, they generally come out with something insulting,cliched or just plain uninspired. When they don't get the desired result,the woman usually ends up on the receiving end of verbal abuse or insults (fucking dyke,you're a dog and I was hard up,etc etc.)
  • Stalking a woman like prey all night whilst getting drunk and then expecting a result is just plain delusional. I was at a club one night and this guy seemed to be everywhere I was. After a few hours and much alcohol consumed, he approached me and said "So are we going home together or what?"I don't even remember my response- I just remember being horrified. I don't know what universe that line works in but perhaps the poor sod reads too many comics.
  • Tell an Aussie male what you want and he does the complete opposite. Somehow I don't think reverse psychology works here either.
  • Australian men don't talk about anything real. Conversation is banal and random. They need to discuss 'things' which generally don't involve any sort of personal feeling or emotion. If it's not about sport,cars or alcohol then they tend to be a bit lost.
  • Australian men tend to have a pack mentality- told that Ed Hardy t shirts,jeans and thongs with a faux hawk hair do is the thing and they all do it. With mobile phone glued to their ear muttering 'schweet maaate' at intervals into the handset.
  • Most Aussie men seem to be disconnected from their feelings. The macho bloke seems archaic in this day and age. Seeing packs of guys wandering around the city without girls cements this ideal- girls have wised up and won't take the shit anymore. I wish we were taught the 'smarten up or fuck off' attitude when I was in high school. Sexism was a ideal that we hated but thought we had to accept. Thank god for the wisdom of age.
  • Watching an episode of The Footy Show is proof that the Australian male is sorely lacking in anything intelligent. Billy Brownless is a gormless fool with NO clue about women or anything (then again he has a wife with 4 children between them-she probably has a few shots before sex and thinks of the cash he provides or at least I hope she does). Sam Newman - look up the word 'misogynist' in the dictionary and you'll find his picture there. He has no regard for women whatsoever. I don't know how Caroline Wilson does it-she will never respected for her thoughts and knowledge regarding football simply because she is a woman. I hate that any woman with any football knowledge is feared and shunned or she is treated like one of the boys.
  • I also hate it when a girl is a bit wild, a bit out there,that a man(of any nationality) thinks they have the right to mistreat them. Porno speak,slapping,biting etc is not acceptable unless of course the woman has asked for it. Take her lead and respect her. Even if it's a one night stand, there are rules. Same goes for meeting someone on line- unless she has invited it, sleazy talk is a no go -again-unless she has invited it. Consensual sleazy chat is fine.

Okay menfolk, before you start burning dog poo on my doorstep, I don't mean all of you. I am not a man basher. I love men and I know many Australian guys who do not fit the mold of what I have said thus far. However, I feel that I can speak generally in regards to my experience.

A few pointers lads- if you're interested.

  • When you see a girl in a bar,pub etc that takes your fancy, approach her and say hello. Ask her her name, how her night is. Don't go up and offer to buy her a drink- first thought a girl has is drink spiking or 'he's trying to get me drunk and have his way with me'. Sorry guys-sad but true. The mongrels of this world have made it hard for the nice guys (and they do exist-the nice guys that is).
  • Nothing wrong with wanting a one night stand but make sure it's right for both parties. Be respectful and yes,this works both ways. If she makes YOU feel uncomfortable- tell her or leave. Don't exchange numbers,etc if you don't want to go there again. Be honest and say you just wanted this night of fun and that's it. If she cracks it, it's her problem-not your's.
  • Safe sex. Needs to be said. Don't assume someone is safe just because they say so. No glove,no love.
  • If you do exchange numbers, answer texts or calls if she contacts you. Again,works both ways.
  • Try new things. Even dancing. Don't use the 'I've got 2 left feet' line if you've never danced before. Feel the fear and do it anyway. You might surprise yourself.

These are my thoughts and feelings- I don't profess to be right but it's something I've been thinking about and thought 'what the hell, blog it out'.

Opinions are good. Don't hate me for it. The Milonguita has spoken.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


That pretty much sums me up at the moment. Nothing bad is happening- I just feel beige. Need to get out and feel the red again. In the meantime, I'll set myself some beige projects to keep busy until I'm back in my crimson haze.... Back to beigey work....

Friday, November 13, 2009

Vale Richo

I arrived at the train station this morning and saw the head line on the Herald Scum 'RICHO RETIRES' and I immediatly said 'NOOOOOOO!!! It can't be!!!" I alerted Nikki in disbelief.
Someone left The Age sports page on the train which confirmed that he has indeed retired.
I could do my research and go on about stats etc etc but I won't. I will miss going to the footy and seeing him out there. I don't care who you follow in footy- everyone loves him. I will miss him getting shirty when he misses a set shot, I will miss his goofy face when he doesn't. I will miss the way he runs and runs and runs. I'll miss those big hands taking a grab.
All the best you big,beautiful man. Richmond will never be the same without you.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Link To The World...

How special do I feel? I checked my gmail email last week and received an email with the subject 'Compliments on your blog'. I opened it to find the following email; Hi Milonguita, I just found your blog today. I have a project I am working on for a tango site, As one of our promotional tools we are planning to create a comical quiz about tango called something like "How big of a tango fan are you?". We are still working on the title... The style of your blog, and the way you write matches the style we are going for. I have been searching through A LOT of tango blogs, and they are all very lovely and some of them are written beautifully with a lot of detail and elegant prose, but for us, we would rather go for something catchy and funny to hold our quiz taker's attention. The way you write in your blog makes me think that you would be the perfect ally. We would like to find someone creative like you to write the quiz for us, and we could supply the graphics. We would definitely be able to give you credit on our website, and a link to your site from the quiz page, or even get you a discount to a Tango Show in B's A's. Feel free to let us know what you would be interested in. Let me know if you are at all interested in this fun little project. Hope the weather in nice in Melbourne! Lucy Ooh err! Colour me happy! I've been blogging on and off since 2004 more or less to entertain myself. I have received some compliments on my writings but sometimes you feel as if it's for naught. To be asked to write a quiz in my style is a great honour and a nice little ego massage for the Milonguita. I responded to her email with a resounding yes and have scrawled a few ideas which I will email back to her today. It doesn't mean cash (the offer of a free show is lovely but it would be better if it came with return flights to LA and BA) but the recognition of my blog is rather nice. Makes you feel your words are worth something. If you go here you can see my link! Call me Miles Davis and Louis Armstrong because this girl's blowing her own trumpet...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Monday, November 09, 2009

The House Of Sick

Don't come to our house- there's an ill wind that blows no good (as the old jazz standard says). I woke up on Saturday morning feeling like total crap. I went as far as Vinnies in Mason St and went back home to bed. Spent the rest of time riding the gravy train. Moved my old carcass to the couch and stayed there all night watching telly. I better have lost weight. Woke up yesterday morning feeling better, just weak from all the lying around I'd been doing. By last night, I was feeling great. Then my housemate,Sarah starting doubling over, saying her guts were giving her grief and then spent the rest of the night driving the porcelain bus. We've been trying to assess what has made us both feel so crappy. I think mine was due to my overindulgent evening on Thursday. As for Sarah, it could have been the crap coffee we picked up on the way to the market or all the fruit she sampled at Little Saigon market. Then again, we were watching Australian Idol at the time which says a lot....

Friday, November 06, 2009

Boys and Girls

A short while ago, I posted this blog regarding Chastity Bono, first born and daughter of Cher and Sonny Bono. Flipped on Entertainment Tonight on Tuesday afternoon to see the exclusive interview with Chaz Bono. Chastity recently went 'gender reassignment' surgery (an old skool 'sex change') and she is now a he. He is happy that his outside now matches his inside. Reminds me of story I read in Rolling Stone a couple of years ago about Larry Wachowski of The Matrix fame. He was rumoured to be wanting GR surgery (didn't do it). He met a dominatrix -Ilsa Strix-in a bondage dungeon (whilst dressed as his female alter ego,Lana) who was married to Buck Angel who is known in the porn industry as 'the dude with a pussy'. She left Buck for Wachowski (gold digging whip lady). I became a bit facinated by Buck because you would never guess he was a she. I hope this doesn't come across as mean. It must be very confusing and painful to feel like a man and feel trapped in the body of a woman or vice versa. Having said that, I love being a woman and have never wished to be anything else. I love shoes,red lippy, French perfume and all those typical things that are totally girly. Even if I was walking around Bama Lama on Saturday night swigging from a Coopers long neck.....

About Last Night...

I love Lloyd Cole. I do. His music is the cheese to my macaroni. If I was still of child bearing age and hadn't had my lady bits removed a year ago, I'd have his babies.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Yes Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heart Broken

Lloyd Cole tonight- finally!
He's playing at the Thornbury Theatre which I've heard is lovely. It's also giving me the opportunity to catch up with my friend,Tanya whom I literally haven't seen in ages. We have much to catch up on as well.
Checked Lloyd's weblog and he's posted his setlist for this evening-bless. No support act-complete Lloyd. All killer and no filler.
Here's his setlist for this evening's aural sex;
2.Tower of Song
4.If I were a song
5. Pay for it
6. My Other life
7. Don't Look Back
8. Woman at a Bar
10 Late Night Early Town
11. Morning is Broken
12.Old Enough to Know Better
13. That Boy
14. Why I love Country Music
15. No Blue Skies
16.Are Your Ready to Be Heartbroken
17.Like Lovers Do
18. What's Wrong with this Picture
19. Cut Me Down
20. Broken Record
21.Trigger Happy
22. Music in a Foreign Language
23. Chinese Translation
24.Brand New Friend
25. No More Love Songs
26. Please Don't Tell me How he Story Ends
27.Lost Weekend
28. The Young Idealists
29. Perfect Skin
30. Unhappy Song
31. 2CV *
32. Undressed
Bring it on.
* This song title has been a mystery to me for 25 years. A 2cv is a model of Citroen and is short for 'deux chevaux vapeur' which is French for 'two steam horses'.
I only found this out today! Forgive my lack of car knowledge.