Saturday, October 14, 2006

What's A Girl To Do?

I've been listening to lots of Vince Jones this week. His 'Tell Me A Secret' album has been my best friend and comfort. One of the songs on the album is a beautiful track called 'I've Never Been In Love Before' and I realised that like Vince's tune, I haven't. I've thought about what I've been doing in my 'relationships' with men and I don't think it was love. I once wrote a blog called 'Why I Am Single' but I think it goes a lot deeper than just meeting losers and trying to have relationships with them. It really says a lot about me and the state of my psyche of how it was at the time. I made a pledge to myself to stop being interested in men who give me a nod just because they have a pulse. I decided to not let myself be abused and to demand respect. I decided to look deeper and not forgive things I hate in order not to be alone. I decided not to make myself so available, to try and leave a bit of mystery. I decided not to blame past events and experiences on people - generally they come with their own sets of problems and neurosis' so I should judge their freakishness individually. Strangly enough, since making this pledge to myself, I've been frightfully single. So single that if someone doesn't come my way soon, my next move is to purchase 2 sari's, a bucket and a one way ticket to Calcutta. My major thoughts have been regarding how one meets someone and how they go about getting them? It's not like buying an iPod or new shoes, you can't just say 'I'm going to go out and get a relationship that works this week'. If only it were that simple. My friends were talking about methods that one should employ when seeking out to procure one of the opposite sex. This made me feel rather frustrated. Why can't you just show or tell someone that you're really interested and that you like them? That you want the opportunity to go on that nerve racking,dorky feeling first date with them. That at the end of the night when it has hopefully gone really well you have the end of the night first kiss. That you want to have night's in on a Saturday, making a dinner from items bought at the market that day, sharing a bottle or three of red and watching a movie on the couch. Or weekends in shagging each other senseless? What are the stakes? Why must we play such stupid games? Maybe it's just me... perhaps nobody is in the market for a 40 something, slightly eccentric girl who is loud and a bit uncouth. I may be a bit difficult to catogorise but it doesn't mean I should be forgotton all together. Anyone out there relating to any of this? I'm just trying to have faith that there is someone out there who will scratch my surface and realise there's a lot more to me than what you see. I'm not lonely in life and I'm definatly not alone. I just think it's time to couple up. Bring it on.

7 comments:

Quick said...

Posts like this shit me because I drop by to see how The Milongita is going and find myself going hmm and wanting to say something that requires a little more thought than I have time for and so I end up leaving without saying anything, intending to come back later. Bitch!

:)

I'll be back later.

Margarita Milongita said...

Hey Lee,
As a male you are meant to RUN from these sorts of comments.. unless you're like my feminist friend Gianni who writes little encouraging comments when he reads such things as these.
However, if you have anything constructive to write, I'd love to hear it.
Sorry I haven't been my usual wit that I am.. sometimes life gets a bit shithouse and somewhat ordinary.

Quick said...

Yeah, I got nothing.I think I thought I had something when you said the bit about why can't it just be straightforward and why do we have to play games. Not being into playing games myself, I assumed that that would be how it all works. But I'm in a long term relationship, so I know zip about dating.

knifey said...

So here's the thing:
Finding a relationship is the easiest thing in the world to do, IF YOU'RE A BRAIN DEAD PIECE OF CRAP. Unlike most people on planet Terra, you're one of the thinkers, one of the valuable people who exists outside the fringe of somnambulist humanoids who gratefully swallow up all the crap they are served by ad execs and marketers, who think if you're wearing the right shoes, have your collar up, and have a spiky hairdo (if you're a guy), then you're perfect. Don't doubt yourself or change, hold on to your hard-won values and expectations, because if you meet a guy who can exceed them, he will be truly worthy of you.
All the best in that regard- knifey.

knifey said...
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knifey said...
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RoseRed said...

Just be yourself MM. You already are a fabulous woman. Every woman has her own special and unique qualities (men too). The only 'strategy' for finding a man is to have no strategy. I agree with Knifey, don't settle for less. better to be single and having a great life with friends and engaging with the world than be with the wrong guy.

Your male friend supports feminists and feminist philosphy which is why he is so cool about women being whoever they are and not having to fit some sort of 'marriageable mould' (whatever that is!).

Is there a femist position on hetero partnered men who have intimate blog conversations about a woman's love life with their partners' girlfriends?