Please Shut The Fuck Up

Some people should come with a mute button. On Friday, I went out to the Burlesque Battle Royale 2 which I had been looking forward to for quite sometime so Miss Thing (aka Moi) dolled up and headed over to the Spanish Club for what ended up being a decidedly average evening. I didn't like the girls who won as I felt they did so using a cheap stunt. Rule number one in burlesque (according to Dita Von Teese) is; A LADY NEVER SHOWS EVERYTHING... it's all about the tease. These chicks started out fine and I give them ten outta ten for their costumes. However, one chick got her tits out,then the other girls laid her out on a massage table. One of them place what appeared to be a sheet of sand paper on her stomach and used an angle grinder to produce sparks whilst said tits were still on display. In the book of The Milongita- tacky,tacky,tacky. Mans' Ruin- you were robbed. Anyhoo, the show ended at 11pm, so I called las chicas to see if they were still downing jugs of beer at the Retreat,which, to my joy they were. So grabbed cabbage and headed to the Retreat for more beer and lots of merriment. The DJ was playing some choice tunes so also got to have a good boogie. Amongst beer and boogie-ing, I met Dick* who made it very obvious that he was interested in getting to know me in a Biblical sense. Seeing it had been a while and the hormone patrol was on overdrive, I thought "why not"? He was fun and a good kisser so once again, we grabbed el cabbage and headed back to me casa. It was all going rather well. Then he started talking... Okay, don't get me wrong. Someone telling you they think you're beautiful is lovely. However, I DO NOT NEED A RUNNING COMMENTARY WHILST SHAGGING!!! I'm there. I know what's going on!! Then he said "MM, talk dirty to me". Who does that? Unless you're filming a porno, I really don't see the point. Thankfully, Dick* wanted to leave so I found his underpants and he was away. All I could think was 'thank fuck he's gone'... no morning drivel and I don't have to make a coffee and wonder when he's going to leave. Anyway, he said he liked the Eagles. Nuff said. On a positive note, he did the job and the drought has been broken. On to better conquests. Preferably ones who do and don't say. *Name has been changed because I didn't like it.