Thursday, December 09, 2004

Bad Hair Life

As I walk around the streets of this fine city, I've noticed the mullet is back in a huge way. A lot of guys are sporting it. They have been lied to and told it's the latest fashion but they were born the year the mullet was alive and horrible and don't know any better. I can kick, scream and cringe all I want but it ain't gonna change a thing. The mullet is here to stay. Whilst perusing CD's in Dirt Cheap today, I saw a CD cover that gave me a thought; Why not bring back a whole swag of bad hair do's? So blog readers, here is a list of hair dont's that the Milongita would like to see back as a hair do... THE NODDY HOLDER FRINGE. This is where the inspiration for said blog came from. I think the masses should run to the hairdressers and ask for the Noddy Holder special. Very short fringe with almost bob like rest of hair. Make sure you go out wearing tight satin trewzies,Doc Marten platform boots and no shirt. To authenticate this look, grab a Biro and write S-L-A-D on your knuckles and an E on the pad of your thumb. Walk down the street holding this out. Screech out the lyrics-"MA MAMA WEER ALLLLLL CRAAAAAZEEEEE NOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!" Get down and get with it. LIMAHL/NICK BEGGS ROCK HAIR Do you remember Kajagoogoo? Classic hair, this band. Limahl (not Kamahl) was the lead singer with the sticky up stylized mullet who sang "YOU'RE TOOOOO SHY SHY,HUSH,HUSH- EYEDOOOOOOOEYE!" He wore singlets, his eyes were kinda crossed... I think the Nick Beggs do was better- he had the mullet with the tail bits decorated with ...drum roll please.... SHELLS!!! So, head down to Cape Schanck, score the beach for shells and plait up... heavy duty hair gel won't go astray either, pets.. MICHAEL BOLTON/BILLY RAY CYRUS Pure class here people. Totally dedication to bad hair. You've got to almost respect these 2 for daring to look so awful. I have this vision of Michael eating his breakfast one morning, looked at this breakfast and was inspired to turn his hairstyle into something that resembled Shredded Wheat. Billy Ray hit the scene with the wrist slashingly awful "Achy Breaky Heart" and mercilessly unleashed a nation of boot scooters. He wore cowboy boots, tight jeans and a wife beater singlet. He also had and probably still does, one of the worst heads of hair I've laid eyes on. But this shouldn't stop you from going to your local barber and asking to become a skunk head. Some gave all, but I think some just threw up. JASON 'DIZZY'GILLESPIE I add Jase because he is the trend setter for bad hair coming back. I also needed an example of someone that needs to shave for a cure....

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