Pets Sounds,Brian Wilson and Moi

Monday morning and feeling a bit introspective. Woke up this morning feeling very uninspired. If it wasn't for Louie practically clawing my face to be fed, I may have made that phone call so that I could remain in bed doing nothing until midday. Decided Louie shouldn't suffer for my malaise so I got up and made a coffee after placating my cat with dead roo. I got dressed then sat down to enjoy my coffee and began thinking of everything that's going on at the moment. The panic I was feeling is beginning to subside. I'm still angry and hurt but it's simmering rather than boiling. My pot does not runneth over. I feel as if I'm glimpsing a universe that has possibilities and opportunities, rather than the usual feeling that life is against me and full of booby traps. I finally got myself out the door and strapped on the iPod for company. Flicking through the selections I settled on 'Pet Sounds' by The Beach Boys. Loving the twee beauty of 'Wouldn't It Be Nice' and 'Dont Talk-Put Your Head On My Shoulder' and the sublime 'God Only Knows', I really listened to the lyrics of 'I Know There's An Answer or Hang On To Your Ego; "I know there's an answer/I know but I have to find it for myself" Hardly a revelation I know, but it just seems fitting for my life at the moment. I know I could never compare my little life to that of Brian Wilson but I can relate to his opting out of life and just wanting to stay in his PJ's and not leaving his bed. I've spent time off work, staying in my jim jams and hardly moving off the couch due to a combination of fear and self loathing. Brian Wilson at least spent that time creating great music and it was during this time that he created the musical genius we know as the Pet Sounds album. I guess I've always hoped that someone would come along and solve all my problems for me. The older I get, the worse the problems get and it's become evident that that 'someone else' just isn't going to happen. I have a long road to travel and I'm taking no prisoners, just myself. I've set up the support system and it's all going to work out. This is my song at the moment... this song really speaks to me.. I keep looking for a place to fit Where I can speak my mind I've been trying hard to find the people That I won't leave behind They say I got brains But they ain't doing me no good I wish they could Each time things start to happen again I think I got something good goin' for myself But what goes wrong Sometimes I feel very sad Sometimes I feel very sad (Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into) Sometimes I feel very sad (Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into) I guess I just wasn't made for these times Every time I get the inspiration To go change things around No one wants to help me look for places Where new things might be found Where can I turn when my fair weather friends cop out What's it all about Each time things start to happen again I think I got something good goin' for myself But what goes wrong Sometimes I feel very sad Sometimes I feel very sad(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into) Sometimes I feel very sad(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into) I guess I just wasn't made for these times