Joy To The Girl

Monday morning. Location- the office. The scene- I have just emailed some of the girls my party photos. One of the girls in the office who is also my age and single, looked over the partition and said "Gee you really like to enjoy yourself, don't you?" In which I replied with my stock standard answer; "'Ken oath I do!" Then it got me thinking- what is wrong with enjoying yourself? Isn't happiness our ultimate goal? We're always hearing 'happiness is a journey, not a destination'. It's almost as if we are meant to feel some sort of shame and disgust for being good time girls. Oh that's right! I'm meant to be in some sort of place, aren't I? At 43, I should be settled, being conservative and mellow somewhere. Is that society's way of telling me I should be staying at home alone rotting with depression? Sorry loves but that ship has sailed. I did all that crap when I was younger. You see, I have a mother who raised my sister and I to believe that a woman's life is hard and horrible. That you need to find a man, settle down and 'come down to earth'. The thing is, in the next breath, she would say how much she hated everything she was counselling us to do! My mum is a great person-don't get me wrong-but this attitude comes from an age where a woman was born to cook,clean,bear children and please your man at all costs. I guess that was mum's way of saying she wanted us to be a miserable as she was. When I was a teenager, I lived in fear of becoming that way, of believing that was my lot in life. I felt crippled by her words and actions for so long. I've got to the point now where I've said 'fuck it'- I'm going to do as I feel. I don't care if the world around me thinks I'm an eccentric freak. I am a HAPPY eccentric freak. I'm going to dress and be how I feel and think. The more I do this, the more contented and authentic I feel. As a wise person once said - "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not." I would also rather be single for the rest of my life than make do with someone less than I deserve. I will not be put in my place,whatever or wherever that is, just because someone or something put it out there that women belong there. It doesn't sound fun to me, silence and obedience. Well behaved girls rarely make history (Audrey Hepburn was the exception to the rule). I may get old as in age but I will never get old in my way of thinking. Wise perhaps but never old. I never want to have that condescending attitude that young people owe me something that the elderly seem to have. I want to think of people across the board as equal and having the same needs,wants and dreams. We all want to be loved, we want the people we love to be safe and happy and we all want to live lives of peace and harmony. I may calm down somewhat, my clothing choices may be less exotic and I may cut down on my drinking but I will NEVER change or compromise myself because of 'that unwritten rule'. The more I have embraced my true self, the happier I'm becoming. If this offends anyone, quite frankly my dears... I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.